Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
