Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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