I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
