I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
