I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
