Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
