the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
