yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
