dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
