The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
