we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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