I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
