how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
