It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
