A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
