It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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