Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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