whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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