Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
