I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
