i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
