so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
