UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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