Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
