The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
