I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
