Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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