this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
