He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
