One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
