It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
