Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
