I cockslap morals
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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