I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
