Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
