Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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