sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
