he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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