I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
