the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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