i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
