How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
