you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
