Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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