Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
