i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
