So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
