I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
