We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
