if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
