I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
