We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
