ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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