One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
