She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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