you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm always down for nudity.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
