It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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