OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
