I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
