I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
