I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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