I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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