When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
