what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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