I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
