I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
