Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
