erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
