It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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