I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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