It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
