tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Two words: nipple clamps
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