Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
