I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
