You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
